


Talking in Circles

by Cinaed



Series: The Best of Carolina The Teenage Witch [33]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sabrina the Teenage Witch Fusion, Awkward Conversations, Female Friendship, Gen, High School, Magic, Spells & Enchantments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 11:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22495099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinaed/pseuds/Cinaed
Summary: After Leonard gets roped into attending the parent-teacher conference, Carolina hangs out with her friends and Church finds himself in an awkward conversation.
Series: The Best of Carolina The Teenage Witch [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1183436
Comments: 14
Kudos: 44





	Talking in Circles

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, after this there are only four more episodes of season three! And I'm excited for all of them. :D
> 
> Thanks again as always to Aryashi, who helped me figure out a lot of this episode and from whom I mostly cut and pasted her ideas for a certain flashback scene. :D And also to chat for helping me figure out jaffa cake flavor and texture stuff!

There’s an ongoing tradition for the parent-teacher nights. People meet at the Slicery to commiserate or worry about what the teachers are telling their parents. Sometimes they place bets on who’s coming to school the next day grounded.

Carolina doesn’t participate. She isn’t participating tonight either, except that Niner asked her to come to the Slicery before they and Connie do whatever Niner has planned. It’s some big surprise, and judging by the way Niner has been looking pleased with herself, Carolina should probably be worried.

She glances around. The coast seems clear. Everyone else in the booth next to the counter are digging into their pizza and calzones, the servers all look busy, and the owner isn’t anywhere in sight. Carolina pulls a food container out of her backpack.

The owner might be a witch, or she just has a sixth sense, because Carolina hasn’t even opened it when the woman materializes practically out of thin air. “You can’t bring in outside food,” she says flatly, her arms folded and her mouth pursed. “Put it in your bag or throw it out.”

Church rolls his eyes. “Seriously? It’s just a salad.” His defiance wilts when she gives him a hard stare, and Carolina wonders if he forgot that this is the same woman who fired him for stealing food. He smiles awkwardly. “Uh. I mean--”

Sheila leans around Caboose and drops a five dollar bill into the tip jar on the counter. “Please, let us pretend that Carolina purchased a slice of pizza,” she suggests with a warm smile.

The owner’s eyes narrow. Then she nods. “Fine. But next time she needs to buy our salad.”

Carolina somehow manages to not grimace at the thought. When the owner walks away, she smiles at Sheila. “Thanks for the help.”

Sheila smiles back. “You are welcome. Enjoy your salad.”

Niner nudges Carolina. “Hope that fills you up, because you’re gonna need some energy.”

Carolina laughs. “Well, if you’d tell me where we’re going, I would’ve eaten a bigger meal. Is it still a surprise?”

“Still a surprise,” Niner agrees. She glances up at Sheila. “Hey, are you and Caboose doing something, or did you want to join our girls’ night out and ditch these losers?” She jerks a thumb at the guys. “I promise it will be way more fun than whatever they’re doing.”

“Hey, we might have awesome plans!” Tucker protests.

Niner gives him a look. “Do you?”

“I mean, no, but--”

Sheila looks surprised by the invitation, and then pleased. “I would like that very much. Thank you.”

“Pretty sure our plan is just to eat enough pizza that we can stay in the Slicery the rest of the night,” Church says around a mouthful of pizza. He shrugs and grins, a smear of tomato sauce at the corner of his mouth. “Or we go play video games at Tucker’s house. Either one works.”

“You guys have fun with that,” Carolina says dryly.

“Okay, last call for bets on who’s getting grounded,” North calls from one of the nearby tables. “Going once, going twice-- anyone want to confess a few bad grades before we wrap this up?”

From the corner of Carolina’s eye, she sees Church frown and squirm slightly. She squints at him. He catches her looking and grimaces. He leans over, dropping his voice to a whisper. “So I maybe, just possibly, got a crappy grade on the last history test.”

It’s Carolina’s turn to frown. “We studied for that together.”

Church looks a little annoyed. “Yeah, I know. There were too many stupid dates, I got a few mixed up, whatever.” He shrugs and takes another bite of his pizza, mumbling under his breath, “Who cares about history anyway?”

Not Carolina, particularly, but she’s not going to let her grades drop because a class is boring. “Well, maybe Kimball and Grey won’t give you a hard time,” she offers.

Church snorts. “Uh huh.” He suddenly smirks. “I wonder if Grey is going to track down Simmons.”

“Why would Doctor Grey care about Mr. Simmons?” Tucker asks, squinting at them both.

Church’s face goes blank. “Uh. She...thinks….” He clearly can’t think up a good lie, shooting Carolina a look and then finishing weakly, “...he’s cute?” and immediately grimacing.

Niner laughs. “Did you tell her about him being a hot Mr. Rogers?”

“Oh yeah,” Church deadpans. “That’s exactly her kind of guy.”

Tucker snickers. He looks delighted by this information, even if it feels like an obvious lie to Carolina. He leans in, grinning at everyone in the booth. “Okay, here's a private bet for the booth. Is Doctor Grey going to hook up with Mr. Simmons?”

“No way,” Niner says immediately, fishing for a five dollar bill.

“Doctor Grey and Mr. Simmons are dating?” Caboose says, looking surprised.

Church’s expression does several complicated things at once.

Carolina just sighs.

* * *

Vanessa folds her arms across her chest and leans against the door-frame to Emily’s room. She watches Emily point a finger and shift from the dress and heels she had donned for tonight into a pair of bright purple scrubs.

“I just want to point out that working at the library means I have a regular schedule,” she says, voice dry.

Emily looks apologetic, but she sounds mostly amused. “Well, if we were in the Other Realm I could freeze my patient in time for four hours so I could go to the conference with you. Unfortunately that’s frowned upon here, so….” She shrugs.

“Right,” Vanessa says. She sighs. “At least Carolina and Church share a few teachers. That makes it a little easier.” It’s still going to be an interesting night, trying to juggle two separate sets of teachers in the narrow window of time.

“Well,” Emily says slowly. A mischievous spark lights her eyes. “You _could_ always ask Leonard. He _is_ allowed to visit after all, and it _is_ a parent-teacher conference.”

“You’re a bad influence,” Vanessa says, already beginning to smile. And it might do Leonard some good, hearing from his daughter’s teachers about her classes. Maybe give him a hint as to what he missed with that year long disappearance act. She calls, putting a command into the repetition, “Leonard Church, Leonard Church, Leonard Church!”

There’s a pop of displaced air and then Leonard is standing in Emily’s room, his tie in one hand and a startled look on his face. Concern briefly flickers in his features before Emily giggles and says, “Good evening, Leonard! It’s so nice of you to volunteer to go to the parent-teacher conference with Vanessa.” Then he looks politely confused, only the slight narrowing of his eyes betraying his irritation.

“It is nice of me, isn't it?” he agrees dryly. He raises an eyebrow. “So what does this conference entail, exactly?”

Emily beams at him. “Oh, scintillating conversations with Carolina and Church’s teachers about their academic performance and experience at school. I’m sorry to miss it!”

Leonard looks like he doubts that, but he says, “Very well. I’m sure Carolina’s teachers will have nothing but excellent things to say.”

“How Emily and I did it last year--” Vanessa hopes the _While you were off somewhere in the Other Realm MIA_ comes across loud and clear, and judging by the slight twitch of Leonard’s jaw, it does. “--was to visit the teachers Carolina and Church share together. Then we’d divide up the rest of the teachers.”

“Wonderful,” Leonard says, even drier than before.

Emily giggles. “Have fun!”

* * *

Niner’s surprise is a roller skating rink, which has a disco ball, loud music, and a cluster of kids racing each other around the rink. The entire place smells vaguely of sweat and popcorn, and Niner is grinning like it’s the best surprise ever.

Carolina isn’t sure how to point out that she doesn’t know how to roller skate.

“Oh,” Sheila says, smiling. “I don’t remember the last time Phyllis and I went to a rink.”

Connie raises an eyebrow and snorts. “Probably not since you were ten.”

Niner makes a face at her. “Shut up. Skating is awesome. Plus we get a discount because they’re closing early tonight. Gotta prep for roller derby.” Her eyes light up. “Now that’s fun. Racing around and you get to body slam the other team?”

Connie squints at her. “Your coach will kill you if you do roller derby.”

“I know,” Niner says, a tinge of regret in her voice. “Now come on, let’s get our skates.”

It’s only when the skates are in Carolina’s hands that she clears her throat and says, “So. Is now a good time to mention I’ve never skated before?”

Niner stares at her like she’s grown a second head.

Connie starts laughing. “Good one, Niner. Your big surprise, and Carolina doesn’t know how to skate!”

“How do you not-- Wait, you grew up George of the Jungle style.” Niner frowns. “Well, crap.”

“It isn’t a problem,” Sheila says. “We will just have to teach her.”

Carolina glances around. There’s a few little kids looking slightly wobbly as they go slowly around the rink, but everyone seems pretty steady on their feet. Roller skating seems to be a kids’ thing, so it can’t be too hard, right? It won’t take too long to learn.

She’s still thinking that when she gets her skates on and tries to get up from the bench. She tries to move forward, and her feet go in opposite directions. She flails, grabs for Sheila’s shoulder, and misses as the ground rushes up to meet her. Her forehead hits the floor with a thud that makes her see stars. Up close, the floor smells like someone’s mixed butter and dust together.

Carolina winces. “Ow,” she mutters. There’s a dull ache, but she’s more annoyed than anything else.

It’s Connie who looks concerned as she crouches down and says, “...Or we accidentally break her and make Coach Sarge cry. You okay?”

“Yeah,” Carolina says, starting to sit up. She blinks, rubbing at her forehead. “Not as easy as it looks.”

Niner offers her a hand up. “Wow, not that I didn’t believe you, but you really haven’t done this before.” She looks sympathetic, at least until one corner of her mouth twitches.

Carolina stares at her roller skates, her eyes narrowing. These stupid shoe wheels won’t beat her. Especially not when a six-year-old races by, skating backwards as she shouts at one of her friends. Carolina grabs Niner’s hand.

“Let’s do this.”

* * *

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Church!” Mrs. Hecht says with a broad smile. “I’m so glad that you were able to attend tonight. I love meeting parents and learning a little of my students’ family histories!”

“Doctor Church,” Leonard corrects her. He looks as though he’s planning on asking her about the family history remark, but she’s already turning her smile on Vanessa.

“And Ms. Kimball! So nice to see you again. How is the library? I hope some of my students grace your stacks from time to time!”

Vanessa had forgotten how...enthusiastic Carolina and Church’s history teacher was.

“Hello, Mrs. Hecht,” she says, sitting down and looking at Leonard until he does the same.

“Now, I’m sure that you already know that this year Carolina and James are studying United States history from 1870 to the present.” Mrs. Hecht breaks off with a wistful look. “This year is always harder to find an immersive program to really _live_ history. Last year, of course, we went to Salem and re-enacted the witch trials, but--”

Leonard’s jaw twitches, and Vanessa hastily says, “I’m sure you’ll come up with something interesting, Mrs. Hecht. So how are Carolina and Ch-- James doing?”

“Ah,” Mrs. Hecht says. For the first time since they came through the door, her smile fades. “Well.”

Leonard frowns. He glances towards Vanessa, who gives him a minute shrug. She hasn’t heard from Carolina or Church that they’ve been having trouble with school, though it wouldn’t surprise her. She’s always been annoyed that full witches can take excused absences whenever their quiz master arrives, while half-mortals often have to juggle school with spellwork.

“Carolina is a hard worker. I wish she showed a little more enthusiasm for history, but even if she doesn’t love my class, she has a good memory for dates and names. As long as she stays on track, she’ll get an A like last year,” Mrs. Hecht says slowly. “It’s James I am a little concerned about.”

Vanessa knows her expression changes because Mrs. Hecht’s eyes widen and she says, “Oh, he’s not failing the class! But I don’t like to see any of my students slipping from a B to a C, so I wanted to talk with you about it.”

“You could’ve led with the not failing part,” Vanessa says, and somehow manages to keep the sourness out of her voice.

Mrs. Hecht gives her an apologetic look and then looks at Leonard. She says, “I always include extra credit opportunities in my class for students who might just be bad test takers. If he does those and does well on the last two tests of the semester, he should be able to bring his grade back up.” She pulls out two tests, one marked with a red C and the other with a C-, and offers it to him. “The final test is cumulative so it might also be worth it to go over the tests with him and focus on the problem areas.”

For a second Vanessa is annoyed at being sidelined, and then she realizes why. Of course Mrs. Hecht is going to focus on the man she thinks is Church’s actual dad. Vanessa can’t decide whether she should be annoyed that apparently her guardianship of Church is worth chopped liver or amused at Leonard’s consternation.

“Ah,” Leonard says. His expression is neutral, but Vanessa spies the tell-tale narrowing of his eyes. He accepts the tests and then frowns down at them, shuffling through them.

“We’ll encourage him to do the extra credit,” Vanessa assures Mrs. Hecht.

“Please do,” Mrs. Hecht says. “And remind him that I’m always available during our weekly activity period if he wants any extra help.”

Vanessa starts to say something, and then stops as Leonard mutters to himself, his voice low and incredulous, “American women have only been able to vote in the last hundred years?” He’s clearly talking to himself, but the whisper carries.

Mrs. Hecht blinks. “Excuse me?”

Leonard looks up, staring back. “Yes?”

“Did you--” Mrs. Hecht falters. Vanessa fights against a grin as the poor woman clearly decides not to call Leonard out on his own gaps in history. “Um. Never mind!” Now she turns to Vanessa. There's a tinge of desperation in the woman's voice as she adds, “Please, encourage him that history is important. After all, those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it!”

“I will,” Vanessa says. “Now, we should get to our next teacher, but thanks for your time.”

Mrs. Hecht is still looking slightly off-kilter when they leave.

Vanessa glances around, but the only parent is on the other end of the hallway. She laughs. “That poor woman. I think you broke her heart. Did you spend most of the 20th century in the Other Realm or what? When did you think American women got the vote?”

“I have no idea, but I didn’t imagine it to be less than a hundred years,” Leonard says. “Witches have had universal suffrage for five centuries!”

“Yeah, well,” Vanessa says dryly. “Suffrage is easier to achieve when you can turn someone into a toad when he tries to stop you voting.” She snorts and mutters darkly, “Not that it matters either way.”

Leonard raises an eyebrow.

“Come on, we both know the elections are a sham.”

“I am beginning to see why you earned someone's ire,” Leonard says.

Vanessa starts to narrow her eyes before she realizes his tone isn’t disapproving. It’s more neutral than anything else, which feels like implicit agreement. She gives him a thoughtful look and then says, “Prepare yourself. Next up is Mr. Donut, their English teacher.”

Leonard looks slightly pained. “Really? The man’s named after a dessert?”

* * *

Carolina clings grimly to Sheila’s hand and says, “I think I like skiing better,” as she wobbles a third lap around the rink.

Sheila looks amused. “You are doing very well for a beginner.”

Carolina is about to call her out for being a well-meaning liar when Connie adds, a teasing note to her voice, “Yeah, you’ve only wiped out three times.”

“Four,” a new voice corrects, and Carolina almost tips over when she turns to see South smirking at them, the dyed streak in her hair looking almost bubblegum pink from the strobe lights. South focuses her smirk towards Niner, who’s already starting to bristle, and adds, “Guess you’re a bad teacher.”

“She’ll be skating circles around you in a month,” Niner snaps. She does a sharp u-turn that makes Carolina a little jealous, and starts moving towards South.

South smirks and skates to meet her.

“If we get kicked out because Niner gets in a fight, can we go for ice cream?” Connie asks. She’s got her arms folded and looks like she wishes she had popcorn instead of the aforementioned ice cream.

Sheila sighs. “Just go to the railing if you need to stop,” she says to Carolina. She gives Carolina’s hand one last reassuring squeeze before she lets go and skates after Niner.

“Um,” Carolina says as her momentum puts her further away from her friends. She almost unbalances again as a new voice bellows over the intercom.

“HEY! YOU TWO KNOW THE RULE.”

Carolina weighs her odds on wiping out a fifth time if she tries to turn around or if she should just loop around and catch up with her friends that way. She’s still debating when an unexpected person skates up to her, wearing a warm smile.

“Good evening, Carolina!” Doyle says cheerfully.

He stops. Carolina doesn’t.

His questioning voice follows her. “Carolina?”

“Still learning how to stop,” Carolina calls over her shoulder and aims herself at the nearest railing. She doesn’t hit it too hard, but hard enough that she has to grab onto it to avoid sliding under it. She turns carefully, glancing in her friends’ direction. South is skating away, and Niner is shaking off Sheila’s hand and saying something that makes Connie laugh.

“What do you want?” she asks, and only realizes how rude it sounds when Doyle blinks at her. She grimaces. “Sorry. Just, uh.” She clings a little tighter to the railing. “Can I help you?”

“It’s time for a pop quiz,” Doyle informs her. He’s steadier on the skates than Carolina, but she feels a little better when he also struggles to stop, grabbing onto the railing as well. His face goes a little pink.

Then what he says actually registers. Carolina says, “ _Now_?”

Doyle gives her another look, and then glances around, wrinkling his nose. He takes out a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes gingerly at the railing. “You didn’t think I just came to this establishment for no reason, did you?”

Church probably would’ve said something sarcastic. Carolina swallows back her own response, and says, “I guess not. But I’m in the middle of something.” She takes one hand off the railing and gestures towards her friends.

“Then this is an important lesson in multitasking,” Doyle says cheerfully. “Now, before we get to the quiz, I need to inform you that you will only be allowed to use incantations this week. No simply pointing your finger or cheating with a passion spell. I want you to get creative!”

Carolina stares at him and then glances around. “You want me to use incantations in front of everyone?”

“You’ll just have to be careful,” Doyle says, looking unbothered. “It will be a series of challenges tonight!” Then he glances past her. His eyebrows shoot up. “...I think the first one will be to keep you and your friends from being escorted from the premises.”

Carolina turns to see Niner skating back towards South. She can’t see Niner’s expression, but there’s a threat of violence in the way Niner’s moving and the way Niner picks up speed when the owner calls over the intercom, “Last warning about the rule, you two!”

At least there’s a simple enough incantation for this problem. She tweaks it a little for good measure and feels slightly pleased with herself when she says, “To keep them out of each other's faces, keep Niner and South separated at least twenty paces.”

Her satisfaction is short-lived, because the spell does keep Niner and South away from each other, it also means that Niner and South get pushed back like opposing magnets away from each other, both girls clumsy and flailing in their surprise as they skid backwards.

Carolina winces. When she glances towards Doyle, he tilts his head and says, “You can’t just rely on the incantations in your spellbook, Carolina. I specified creativity, didn’t I? Come up with some spells yourself, and think through the consequences.”

Carolina has several things she wants to say to that, so she pushes away from the railing and skates towards her friends instead, wobbling as she goes. She doesn’t wipe out again, though, so there’s some small progress. When she gets there, she grabs onto Sheila’s arm to stop.

Niner is still glaring after South. She only looks away when Carolina asks, “So why does the owner keep yelling about a rule?”

“South and I aren’t allowed to talk to each other when we’re here,” Niner mutters.

“...Why?”

“We maybe got into a fight. Or two.”

“Or twelve,” Connie deadpans. “Only reason they’re not barred is that the owner likes them both, don’t ask me why. I think the exact rule is ‘they can’t be within 15 feet of each other or talk to each other’ but he might’ve added something else to it by now.”

“No rude gestures,” Niner says, brightening a little at some memory. She smirks. “He’ll look the other way on those, if you’re careful.”

“Why do you two dislike each other?” Sheila asks curiously.

“That’s a long story,” Niner says. She glances around as a few kids skate past them. “But I probably can’t explain it and stay PG.” Another grin lights up her face. “Besides, Carolina still needs to learn how to skate.”

“Great,” Carolina says without enthusiasm.

* * *

Simmons both loves and hates parent-teacher conferences. He’s excited to talk to parents about their kids, but a lot of the time the night ends up being just a long stretch of sitting and waiting for parents to drop by his classroom.

After a ten minute stretch of no one even passing by his door, Simmons decides he needs to stretch his legs. Maybe he’ll go see if Donut needs a coffee break too.

When he nears Donut’s classroom, he hear Donut’s loud, cheerful voice. Clearly he has a parent inside. Simmons is about to turn and walk back to his room when he hears Donut say, “So you must be the elusive Doctor Church!”

Doctor Church is here? When Simmons told him about the parent-teacher conference, Doctor Church hadn’t mentioned he would be attending. Simmons shouldn’t listen in, but he can’t help but sidle a little closer to the classroom and the door that’s slightly ajar.

Ms. Kimball is apparently there as well, because she says, “Yes, Doctor Church was able to take time out of his busy schedule.” Simmons wonders if the thin edge of sarcasm is obvious to everyone.

“Well, Church certainly takes after you,” Donut says.

Doctor Church’s familiar drawl fills the air. He sounds slightly puzzled. “You call him Church? I thought--”

“That I would insist on calling him James? Kids have so little control over their lives, agreeing to call them by a preferred nickname is an easy win to give them! ...Also half the time most of the kids will straight up ignore you if you try to use their real names. You have to pick your battles!”

There’s a beat of silence before Donut laughs. “But enough about that! We’re all here for Carolina and Church. They’re both doing well. Neither will be English majors in college, but I expect Carolina to keep up with her usual As and Church with his Bs. Carolina makes an effort to pay attention and contribute to the discussion. Church, well, I’m just happy to discover that finding a book he disagrees with lights a fire in him! Did he talk to you about Frankenstein?”

There’s another silence.

Then Doctor Church says slowly, “He didn’t. I have only a vague familiarity with the text, so I wouldn't have been much assistance regardless. He disagreed with the book?”

“Oh, vehemently. He certainly was _not_ a fan of Frankenstein himself!”

“Is that so surprising?”

“Well, most of my students weren't impressed by the guy, but Church took it to a whole new level! You should ask to read his essay.”

“Perhaps,” Doctor Church says.

It’s a tone that Simmons recognizes, a polite echo of the one Doctor Church uses whenever Simmons tries to talk to him about expanding their experiments past basic spells. Simmons is so tired of the rudimentary ‘apples into oranges’ type of magic. He knows he can do more, he _has_ done more, but Doctor Church keeps him at the same mindnumbingly slow pace.

Why doesn’t Doctor Church want to talk to Church about his essay? Isn’t he interested? But then Simmons remembers the night that Doctor Church found out the whole truth of Felix and Locus’ escape from prison. He’d been focused on Carolina’s safety. Church hadn’t even been an afterthought.

Simmons’ stomach twists. He should talk to Church, he thinks, and almost misses Ms. Kimball saying, “Well, I think we’re visiting their math teacher next, but thank you.” He realizes that he’s been eavesdropping like, well, an intrusive busybody.

He beats a hasty retreat down the hallway, half-jogging to get around the corner before Ms. Kimball and Doctor Church can spot him.

* * *

By the time the owner announces that they’re closing in twenty minutes to prepare for tomorrow’s roller derby event, Carolina has learned how to mostly get around the rink and how to stop without having to grab onto someone or something.

She’s glad for the second one, because it means she doesn’t run right into Doyle when he appears in front of her. She stops with a hard screech of her wheels, earning confused looks from her friends. He must be doing that weird ‘invisible to mortals’ trick Quizmasters can do, since none of them stare at this grown man skating in a suit.

She shrugs at them and tries to keep her expression from changing when Doyle says cheerfully, “Well, skating certainly does whet one’s appetite! Unfortunately the food stall doesn’t have my favorite snack. I need you to make a few jaffa cakes. And remember, incantations only!”

Carolina inwardly sighs. “I’m going to go use the bathroom before we leave,” she says, and then skates in the direction, trying to figure out how she’s supposed to create a snack for Doyle that she’s never tried herself. And what rhymes with cake?

Doyle reappears in a golden flash by the bathroom doors, smiling expectantly.

Carolina slows to another stop. She glances around to make sure no one’s paying attention, but there’s mostly parents herding their kids towards the exit or a few people getting in one last race around the rink. She points a finger towards Doyle and says flatly, “Since I have to pass this test, give Mr. Doyle the jaffa cakes he likes best.”

A plate of what looks like chocolate-covered cookies appears in Doyle’s hands. He picks one up and takes a careful bite. Carolina’s still annoyed by the pop quiz, but at least she didn’t screw this up, because Doyle’s face lights up. “I know orange is the most popular flavor, but I’ve always been partial to the blackcurrant. Well done.”

“Uh, thanks.”

“Have one!”

Carolina blinks down at the plate. She takes one. The chocolate instantly smears on her fingers. She steels herself for something sickeningly sweet and bites into it. The texture is actually like a moist cake. There’s the chocolate she expected, but also a slight tartness that cuts through the sweetness. It’s actually not too bad, at least compared to the awful chocolate her friends and Church are always eating.

She becomes aware that Doyle is watching. She’s reminded of him taking her to the theater. Amusement banishes some of her annoyance. “It’s pretty good,” she says to his unasked question.

Doyle looks pleased. “Excellent! Now enjoy the rest of your night. And remember, incantations only for a week!”

* * *

Church can’t decide whether to be amused or not that Grey and Kimball somehow got Leonard to go to the parent-teacher night. He’s learning towards amused, imagining Leonard having to deal with the weirdness of the Westbridge teachers. “Did you meet Sarge?”

Leonard sighs. “Yes. He is...an interesting man.”

Carolina says, “I like him.”

“Of course you do,” Church scoffs. “He’s as competitive as you are.”

The mention of competition earns a familiar gleam in Carolina’s eyes. Church isn’t surprised when she says, “And that’s why we’re going to State this year.”

Church, grinning, is about to tease her for being a jock when Leonard clears his throat. Church glances over and accidentally meets Leonard’s blind gaze. “I, ah, also met your English teacher. Apparently I should read your Frankenstein essay.”

Church’s amusement sputters out, replaced by wariness. He glances at Kimball, whose expression doesn’t tell him anything. “What? Why?”

Leonard’s shoulders rise in a small shrug. His voice turns dry. “Your teacher suggested it, and I suspect that he will ask if I see him again.”

“Ugh,” Church says, slouching in his chair. Donut would. And he’ll probably pester Church about it too. “Fine.” He points his finger towards the ceiling. A second later the essay appears on the table by Leonard’s plate.

“Oh, right,” Carolina says, like she’s just remembered something. She makes a face. “I had a pop quiz with Mr. Doyle. Apparently I can only do incantations this week.”

“Good luck with that,” Church says, snickering. “Are you gonna start carrying your rhyming dictionary around again? Do we have to start up the band?”

Carolina goes slightly pink and frowns at him as Leonard looks puzzled.

Church keeps grinning right up until Grey says thoughtfully, “You know, James, I can’t remember the last time _you_ did an incantation.”

“Aw, crap,” he mutters, realizing she’s right. He groans. “It's such a dumb assignment! If I can do magic by pointing my finger, why do I have to figure out a stupid couplet instead?”

Kimball looks amused. “Quizmasters don't do these assignments to torment you, Church. There’s a lesson in every assignment.”

Church grumbles, “No, I’m pretty sure you guys just wanna torture us.”

Grey laughs. “Well, perhaps you should start working on your own incantations before Donald forces you.”

It’s impossible to slouch slower in his chair, but Church still tries. “No thanks.”

* * *

“I am having the weirdest day,” Niner complains.

Carolina hastily shoves her rhyming dictionary into her locker. “Why?”

“I--” Niner stops. She glances around and lowers her voice. “Okay, this is going to sound stupid, but I was trying to drop off a project for shop, but I just-- I couldn’t go inside? It was like I stepped in glue or something. And I swear it’s South’s fault somehow, because she was standing across the hall and laughing with her stupid cheerleading friends the entire time.”

“That’s….” Halfway through her agreement, Carolina remembers the keep away spell from the roller rink. Crap. “...weird.”

“Right?” Niner’s eyes narrow. “I don’t know what she did, but I’m going to find out.”

“Uh, let me know if I can help,” Carolina says weakly. As soon as Niner stomps off towards their homeroom, Carolina glances around. There’s no one watching. She points her finger in Niner’s direction and whispers hastily, “The spell worked great but now it’s done, so...let the keep away spell be undone.”

For a second she doesn’t think the spell will work, but then her finger sparks blue.

She sighs in relief, and then frowns as Doyle appears next to her. She’s blinking golden spots from her eyes as Doyle says, “Normally I would tell you to try again, but since it was correcting a spell on two mortals, I will let this one pass. In the future, though, you need to be more inventive than rhyming done and undone.”

Carolina opens her locker and says under her breath, hoping no one catches her seemingly talking to herself, “Okay.”

She has a feeling that it’s going to be a long week.

* * *

Caboose and Sheila are really into the Robotics Club. Church wavers between finding it lame and finding it fun sometimes, and mostly suspecting it would be a lot cooler if Simmons wasn’t obviously using his own money to buy materials and stuff.

Today, they’d talked about robot brains and used twelve index cards to create programming instructions for a fake robot. Simmons had definitely given him the evil eye for suggesting one of the instructions be ‘Kill All Humans’ and had then made a suggestion himself that Church needed to read some Asimov books and learn about something called the Law of Robotics. Church doesn't plan on it. 

Now, as Church grabs his backpack and starts to head out, Simmons says, “Church, stay behind for a minute.”

Church debates on if he can get away with pretending he didn’t hear, since he’s not really in the mood to get scolded for a joke after Kimball and Grey already called him on his crappy history tests, and decides he probably can’t. He glances at Caboose, who’s glancing curiously between him and Simmons. “Grey’s picking me and Carolina up. See you tomorrow.”

“Okay!” Caboose says. He gives Church a wave and then follows Sheila out the door, his voice carrying. “I really liked making the robot brain. What do you think we’ll do next? Oh, maybe--”

His voice cuts off as Simmons closes the door behind the last kid.

Church eyes him. He can’t really get a read on Simmons’ expression. “Look, if this is about earlier, I was joking around.”

“It isn’t,” Simmons says, but he sounds distracted. “Church, I wanted to….” He trails off, frowning, He scratches at his neck. “Sometimes things are complicated. Like, really complicated, and obviously I don’t know the whole story, but uh, if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

He waits a second, like he actually expects Church to have a response to that weird rambling combination of sentences. Then he licks his lips and keeps talking.

“Look, it might not be my place, but I, uh, I get it. I mean, at least a little. I-- Right, this isn’t about me. Uh. Look. You deserve better, okay? Than how things are right now. So. Uh. Yeah. You deserve better, and--”

Church has been listening with growing confusion and embarrassment. When Simmons starts repeating himself, a weird intensity in his voice and a flush starting to creep into his face, Church can’t take it anymore. “Dude, what are you talking about?”

Simmons blinks at him. The red comes out in splotches on his face. “Uh. I mean. Crap, I knew I should’ve used cue cards. Uh. I was trying to...show that you can talk to me about, uh, family stuff?”

“Family stuff,” Church repeats, completely lost.

“Yeah,” Simmons says. “Like, uh, your dad.”

“My dad?” Church says blankly. He glances over his shoulder towards the door, but they’re still alone. He goes back to staring, wondering if all these magic experiments are giving Simmons brain damage or something. “You want to talk about Leonard? Why?”

Simmons gets even splotchier. “I’ve seen the way you look at him, how he acts like you don’t exist.”

“Yeah, he wishes,” Church mutters, and is unprepared for Simmons’ reaction.

Simmons looks furious. His expression goes white. He snaps, “He shouldn’t make you feel that way. No father should act like his own child isn’t--”

“Whoa, calm down,” Church says, even more confused but also a little alarmed.

Simmons still looks furious. He sucks in a breath. “Sorry, I just-- he shouldn’t treat you like that.”

“Seriously, it's f--” _Fine_ , Church almost says but it's kind of a lie, and besides he thinks it will just get Simmons even more riled up. “You and Leonard are both super weird, you know that, right?” When Simmons keeps scowling, clearly still pissed off, Church tries another track, feeling like he’s walking on eggshells. “Can we stop using this metaphor about how Leonard as a dad sucks? It's stupid.” Now some of the anger in Simmons' face is replaced by a tinge of confusion. “Though, ugh, I know he's not exactly my dad, but calling him anything else is also weird....”

“Metaphor?” Simmons repeats, still frowning.

Church rolls his eyes. “Or a simile, or whatever. I’m probably using the wrong word for it, but I definitely don’t have real parents. Even if that birth certificate Grey magicked up says I do.” He grimaces. Even if it’s fake, he’s still annoyed at being saddled with the name James. He has a thought. “Hey, you’re a nerd, what would a clone call their--”

Church stops, because Simmons is giving him the king of weird looks. “What?”

Simmons opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.

Church sighs. “How did Grif explain it after the beach?”

Simmons gapes at him for another second and then squeaks out, “Beach?”

“Uh, yeah, dude, when I told him my awkward origin story because he could smell it on me?” No comprehension shows on Simmons’ face, and Church second-guesses himself. He frowns at Simmons. “Wait, Grif didn’t--” No, judging by the look Simmons is giving him, completely confused and vaguely disbelieving, Grif hadn’t gone running to Simmons as soon as Church told him. He guesses that explains why Simmons has never bugged him about it. “Huh. Guy can keep a secret.”

For a few more seconds, Simmons just stares. Then he leans heavily against his desk. He clutches onto the edge of it, his knuckles white as he squeaks out, “You’re...you’re a _clone_? Made from...magic?”

Grif can _really_ keep a secret. Church kind of wishes he’d figured that out sooner. Any second now Simmons is going to shake off his shock and start asking for details. Trying to distract himself from the impending twenty million questions, Church drawls, “If it helps, witches would be making that face too.”

“What face?”

Church gestures. “The ‘What the Actual Fu--’”

The threat of cursing apparently yanks Simmons from his shock. “Church!” he yelps. Then he blinks. His fingers loosen on his desk, and he stares at Church like he’s trying to read his mind.

Church braces himself for Simmons to poke and prod at him like Grey did. The dude’s a nerd, especially about magic. There’s no way he doesn’t want to figure out exactly how Church works.

But instead Simmons just says, “Magic can...do that? Make _people_?”

“Uh, pretty sure I’m a one-hit wonder.”

“Oh,” Simmons says weakly. “Wha-- how-- I mean-- what did-- ...Huh.” He doesn’t say anything else for a minute, his expression going distant like he’s trying to grasp all this new information.

In the awkward silence Church has a smaller revelation of his own. Simmons didn’t know about him. That means all that weirdness from earlier was Simmons pulling a concerned adult thing about how crappy Leonard was being to his ‘son.’

That’s...a thing. Church doesn’t know how to feel about that. Time for another distraction. “Grif or Carolina tell you about the dumb witch-mortal marriage rules? Like how Carolina can’t see her parents?” It takes a second for Simmons to focus on him and nod, and then Church says, “Leonard, uh, didn’t like that rule. He tried to do a loophole, make sort of a magical robot version of himself that he could walk around in. Instead he got me.”

“Right,” Simmons says, blinking.

Maybe Church can take advantage of Simmons’ shock to head off some of those nosy questions. “Before you ask, I don't understand any of the magic he did. And you probably shouldn't ask Leonard. He's a little touchy about that screw up.” He shrugs.

“Okay….”

Church grimaces. “Honestly, I don’t, uh, so I had a lot of Leonard’s memories when I first, uh, woke up?” He hasn’t really talked about this, not in detail, and the realization drags him back into the memory even as he fights to stay in the moment.

_He blinks. The brief darkness shocks him, and then he looks around. His head feels strange, like all of his thoughts have been scattered, still cluttering up his skull but inaccessible. He tries to focus on one thought, tries to remember who he is, as bits and pieces of words fit themselves together into facts._

_Around him on the floor is something his mind registers as a ritual circle, a used one. The smell of smoke burns his nose and throat, and the ingredients were either ash or as scattered as his memories. Magic. Someone-- he, Leonard Church-- had done magic. With that thought, he realizes something else. He’s a witch, and he’s not alone in the room._

Church jerks himself from the memory. His heart is beating too fast in his chest, and he feels a little sick. He hates that memory, hates what had come next.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Simmons says quietly. When Church looks at him, he sees Simmons watching him with a worried frown, clearly meaning what he says even as he just as clearly dies of curiosity.

Church licks his lips. “No. Uh. Just. I woke up. I was in a ritual circle. And I remembered-- I thought I remembered who I was. Doctor Leonard Church. And then I looked down and saw, uh, myself. He was pretty much unconscious, the kickback on the spell must’ve sucked, and I-- Yeah. I figured out, uh, pretty quick that he was the original.”

Again the memory threatens, and he fights against it. He tries to remember at a distance how he’d looked down at Leonard on the floor and then at himself, taking in the suit several sizes too big and his hands, both familiar and unfamiliar. He remembers the fragment of an idea, realizes that if this was the shell body, then something had gone wrong.

“If he was the original, I was, uh, the mistake. And he wouldn’t--” _He’d want to destroy me_ , he doesn’t say. His throat tightens. “He wouldn’t want a mistake around. So I ran. And, uh, ended up running to Carolina.”

Simmons is still watching him. If he can tell how much Church isn’t saying, he doesn’t call him on it. Instead he says, “Huh.”

Church snorts. “Huh about sums it up. So. Uh. Thanks for the pep talk, but Leonard’s always gonna be weird about me.” Even when that weirdness now involves Leonard asking for his English homework and being curious about his mortal friends. He shrugs. “Whatever.”

“Oh,” Simmons says in a new voice. He scrunches up his face. “Doctor Church isn’t going to like that I know, is he?”

“Nope,” Church says, feeling slightly cheered by the fact. “Huh, is this better or worse than you thinking he’s a two-timing creep?”

Simmons doesn’t look amused. “How am I supposed to talk to your...dad? Creator? Uh--”

Church rolls his eyes. At least it’s not just him struggling with a good way to describe his relationship to Leonard. Creator definitely feels creepy, though. “How did you make this weirder?”

Simmons flushes again. “Sorry.”

Church still feels a little shaky after that memory. It’s definitely time for a change in subject, or at least to steer Simmons to a safer topic. “Grif really didn’t even give you a hint? I told him at the beach.”

Simmons frowns and then says, “Grif is good with secrets.”

Church laughs. “Uh, the dude told you he was a witch. He’s not good at secrets.”

Simmons looks offended on Grif's behalf. “I'm not going to argue with a teenag-- wait.” Church sees the second that Simmons starts doing the math. "Wait, you said Doctor Church did this because he was separated from Carolina. And that was...when she turned sixteen, right? Which. She had her birthday last month…. So… You’re a year old?!” Simmons’ voice rises at the last, high and incredulous.

"Only technically," Church mumbles.

Simmons is back to gaping at him like a fish. “You, uh. Okay. Uh.”

Church waits for a second to see if Simmons pulls himself back together, but this latest thing might’ve broken the guy’s brain. Well, that’s enough talking about this. Church starts sidling towards the exit. “Okay, done with that little Q&A. Have fun working on your poker face for Leonard.”

“Um,” Simmons says, and Church closes the door on his stunned expression.

The sense memory of being in that too-large suit lingers as he walks out to the bleachers to wait for Carolina to finish practice. He tugs at his sleeves, frowning. He really wishes he hadn’t worn baggy jeans and an oversized sweatshirt today.

* * *

“You seem a little frustrated,” Emily chirps as she sits down on the couch for her after-dinner glass of wine.

Vanessa sighs. She’s been frowning at a piece of paper, but now she folds it and shrugs. “I’m still trying to get my students to agree to a weekend to meet Carolina and Church.” The corner of her mouth curls. She adds dryly, “It might surprise you to learn that it’s difficult to do when half of them live in the Other Realm and half of them are scattered across the country.”

Emily hums thoughtfully. “Leonard _is_ getting antsy about Carolina meeting her witch peers, isn’t he?”

Vanessa doesn’t admit out loud that they should’ve done it months ago, but Emily can read her expression. They both know it’s true. Carolina needs to make connections with other witches. And maybe their enthusiasm for magic will prove infectious, though Emily is probably being optimistic.

“Well, I could speak with Donald and see if he has--”

Vanessa’s half-smile vanishes. Her eyes narrow. “I don’t need his help.”

“It was only a suggestion,” Emily says. Some days this little war between Vanessa and Donald is more amusing than others.

Vanessa frowns for a second. Then her expression goes thoughtful, and then mischievous. Apparently Emily has been a good influence, because there’s a gleam in Vanessa’s eyes as she says, “Well, I do have an idea in the meantime, but you and Leonard won’t like it.”

Emily giggles and leans forward. “Color me intrigued.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fun trivia fact: South's actress has actually been competing in roller derbies for twenty years! Check her out on YouTube sometime. Or enjoy the behind-the-scenes on the season three DVDs of Carolina's actress trying and failing to learn how to skate beyond what we all saw in the show.


End file.
